Siblings

Also called Brothers and sisters, Sibling carers, Young carers

Brothers and sisters are often the best communication partners in the house. They are also children, and they need something too.

What it is

Siblings of a person with a communication difference are the partners who are there every day, who speak the same slang, who are not paid and not patient, and who therefore make communication real in a way no therapist can. A sister who says "what?" and waits is doing aided language stimulation without knowing the phrase.

They are also often carers, translators and the family's second adult before they are ten. That is the other half of the entry.

Who it can help

Brothers and sisters of any age, from toddlers to adult siblings who become the main carer when parents can no longer be. Parents trying to give each child what they need. Schools and services, which often do not know that the quiet child in Year 5 goes home to interpret for a brother.

It is not an entry about teaching siblings to be therapists. That is the thing to avoid.

How it works

Siblings are natural partners because their communication is real: they want something from each other, they argue, they tease, they play. That is the kind of interaction AAC vocabularies rarely support and most need; see friendships and humour. A sibling who knows where the joke button is will use it, and the person will learn faster than in any session.

The costs are real too. Siblings report being expected to translate for strangers, being left waiting while the appointment happens, being told to be understanding when they are angry, and being frightened by meltdowns. Some are young carers in law, which entitles them to a young carer's assessment from the council and to support in their own right.

The balance is to make the sibling a partner by choice, not a carer by default. Their own time with a parent, permission to be fed up, and someone outside the family to talk to matter as much as any communication strategy.

Getting started

This week, show the sibling the device or board and let them play with it. Put their name, their nickname and their in-joke on it. Let them add a rude word if they want to; that is buy-in.

Ask the sibling how it is for them, and listen to the answer without fixing it. If they are doing regular caring, ask the council for a young carer's assessment.

Book fifteen minutes a week that is theirs alone. And tell the school, so that a child who is tired or worried is understood there.

Where to get help

Sibs is the UK charity for brothers and sisters of disabled people and runs groups for children and adults. Contact supports families of disabled children, siblings included. Carers UK covers adult sibling carers. Young carers projects exist in most council areas and the council's carers team can refer. Together for Short Lives supports siblings of children with life-limiting conditions. Mencap supports adult siblings planning for the future.