Facial expression and body language

Also called Non-verbal communication, Body language, Affect, Facial affect

Reading and being read. When the face doesn't do what the person means, both sides of the conversation need to know it.

What it is

Facial expression and body language are the part of communication that happens without words or gesture: the smile, the frown, the eyebrows, the lean in, the turn away, the stillness. Most people read these automatically and trust them more than words. That trust is a problem when a person's face and body aren't doing what the person means.

Several things break the link. Some conditions flatten the face (Parkinson's, some brain injuries, Möbius syndrome and facial palsy). Some make it hard to control (cerebral palsy, where a grimace can be effort, not distress). And some people, including many autistic people, express feelings on their face differently from the way the majority does, and read majority faces differently too. In each case a partner who trusts the face over the message gets it wrong.

Who it can help

Two groups. People whose expressions are read wrongly: they need partners who know it and check. And people who find reading others hard: autistic people, people with social communication differences, people after brain injury, some people with a learning disability. They need partners who say what they mean rather than relying on a raised eyebrow to carry it.

The entry isn't a course in reading faces; the evidence that such courses generalise to real life is weak. It's about partners adjusting.

How it works

On the reading side: don't assume. A flat face is not a lack of feeling, a smile is not always pleasure, and looking away is not always disengagement; for many autistic people it's how they listen. Ask, or check with the person's own yes and no: "You look fed up. Are you?" And read the whole person over time, not one snapshot: the communication dictionary records what this person's stillness or tension actually means.

On the being-read side: say the feeling in words, because your face may not be carrying it for the person you're talking to. "I'm pleased." "I'm a bit worried about this." "I'm not cross, I'm thinking." Autistic adults consistently ask for this, and it costs nothing.

For AAC users, the device carries words but the face carries the tone, and partners should take both. A "no" from a device with a grin behind it is a joke; the same word with a set jaw is a refusal. Where the face is unreliable, the feelings vocabulary on the device has to do the job instead, and it needs to be there.

Getting started

Say what you feel out loud once a day where you'd normally rely on your face to show it. See what happens.

Ask before you act on an expression. "You're frowning; is something wrong?" The answer is often "no, I'm concentrating."

Check the person's system has feelings words that go beyond happy and sad: tired, bored, worried, in pain, excited, fed up. The Talk board feelings set is a start; add what's missing.

Where to get help

The National Autistic Society and Autistica both explain expression and social communication differences from an autistic perspective. Parkinson's UK covers the flattened face and what partners should know. Headway supports people whose expression or social reading has changed after brain injury. A speech and language therapist can help a family agree how to read a person whose face is unreliable.