Feelings vocabulary

Also called Emotion words, Emotional vocabulary, Feelings board

Words for emotions beyond happy and sad, why a person needs them before a crisis rather than during one, and how to teach them without a lesson.

What it is

A feelings vocabulary is the set of words a person has for what is going on inside: happy, sad, angry, scared, tired, bored, excited, worried, calm, frustrated, lonely, proud. On most boards it starts as two faces, one smiling and one not, and that is not enough for anybody over the age of three.

The words matter because a feeling that cannot be named tends to come out another way: as a shutdown, a meltdown, a refusal, a "behaviour". A person who can press "worried" before the wave breaks has a chance that a person with a smiling face and a frowning face does not; see behaviour as communication.

Who it can help

Everyone who uses a board, from a small child to an older adult. It is crucial for autistic people and people with a learning disability, who are too often assumed to have simple feelings because they have few words for them, and for people with dementia, where naming a feeling can be easier than explaining its cause.

Feelings words are not a substitute for support. Pressing "scared" is not a therapy session; it is the start of one. And the words will not be used if every press triggers a lecture, an interrogation or "no you're not". They will be used if pressing "sad" gets a person a quiet moment and someone who believes them.

How it works

The useful set is bigger than happy and sad but smaller than the dictionary: around a dozen words covering the main families (happy, sad, angry, scared, tired, calm) plus a few that describe states rather than emotions (bored, hungry, hurt, ill, confused). Degree words help: "a bit" and "very" turn twelve feelings into thirty-six.

The Talk board has a feelings set among its 14. Combined with a starter from the sentence starters set, "I feel" plus "worried" is two presses, and a person can add "very" or "a bit" from the describing cards.

Feelings are learned by hearing them named at the moment they are felt. That means the partner presses "frustrated" when the person is visibly frustrated, and presses "excited" about their own excitement, hundreds of times, over months.

Getting started

Add at least six feelings to the board this week if there are fewer. Model them in your own voice about yourself first: "I feel tired" while pressing the card, when you actually are.

Name what you see without demanding agreement. "You look angry" with a press, then leave it. The person may correct you, which is the best outcome of all.

Make a rule for the household or class: a feeling that is pressed is believed. Nobody says "no you're not". If a child presses "scared" about the bath, the bath waits while you find out why.

Where to get help

Speech and Language UK has family resources on emotional vocabulary. The National Autistic Society covers emotions and alexithymia, and Mencap supports people with a learning disability and their families. Fiducia Life carries wellbeing tools that sit alongside a talking board; see our apps. For a mental health crisis, call NHS 111 or, in an emergency, 999.