Relationships vocabulary

Also called Sex and relationships and AAC, Intimacy vocabulary, Consent words

Words for love, sex, bodies and boundaries. Every adult has the right to them, and the ones who lack them are the least safe.

What it is

Relationships vocabulary is the words for fancying someone, asking them out, saying I love you, saying what you like and do not like, naming your own body, talking about sex, contraception and periods, and saying no. Most AAC systems do not include it. Most people who set up systems do not add it. And so a person who uses AAC reaches adulthood able to ask for a sandwich and unable to say that they are in love or that somebody touched them.

Nobody decided this on purpose. It is the result of a hundred small embarrassments, and it has to be undone on purpose.

Who it can help

Teenagers and adults who use AAC, and the people who support them. Parents, who find this the hardest page to add and are usually the people who have to. Staff in schools and services, who need it in a policy so that nobody has to feel they are acting alone.

It is not only for people who want a relationship. Body words and consent words are safeguarding words, and a person who never wants sex still needs to be able to say "he touched me here".

How it works

Start with bodies, using the real words; see body parts. Then feelings: love, fancy, jealous, embarrassed, safe, scared. Then the doing words: kiss, hug, sex, touch, and the words around them: private, in public, want, don't want, stop, hurt. Then the practical: period, condom, pill, pregnant, gay, straight, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner. None of this is exotic. It is the vocabulary a speaking sixteen-year-old already has.

Consent needs to be two-way on the system. The person needs to be able to say yes and no about their own body and to ask someone else; see saying no and consent and communication. Relationships and sex education is a statutory part of the curriculum in England for all pupils, including those in special schools, and a pupil who uses AAC is entitled to be taught it with the words to take part.

For adults, capacity to consent to sex is decision-specific and is assessed against a low bar in law. The vocabulary to express a choice is part of what makes that capacity visible.

Getting started

This week, look at the person's system and ask: could they tell me they were being abused? If the words are not there, add them, and tell the person they are there and what they are for.

If you are a parent finding this hard, do it with the speech and language therapist or with another parent. Nobody has to add this page alone. Mencap and other charities publish easy-read material on relationships that gives you the language.

For schools and services: put it in the AAC policy. "Every adult's system includes body, relationship and consent vocabulary" is one sentence, and it means no member of staff has to make the decision by themselves.

Where to get help

Mencap publishes on sexuality and relationships for people with a learning disability. CHANGE produces easy-read books on relationships and sex, written with people with a learning disability. Scope covers sex and relationships for disabled people. Beyond Words publishes wordless picture books on relationships and abuse. BILD covers policy for services. A safeguarding concern goes to the local authority safeguarding team or, in an emergency, to the police.